I think like a computer. Pretty much on a regular basis. Not saying I don't FEEL, but saying that feelings do come second. Emotions have to be "licensed" or permitted to wreak havoc on my system.... Hormones generally ignore my best efforts, but hey, sometimes a computer meets a virus it can't handle.
There are good things and there are bad things that come from a nature like this. And then, in typical computer fashion, there are just plain facts.
- Less emotional trauma.
- No pining after things/people.
- A convenient ability to just accept things and move on.
- A very steady stance and logical outlook.
- Your more emotional friends get mad at you for not understanding.
- A tendency to be tactless or not compassionate.
- Computers can't handle some things (see above image) which inconveniently seem to permeate life. Ahem.
- An inability to shut up when needed.... :P
- Being this way makes life EASIER but probably less ENJOYABLE.
- Thinking like a computer seems to have less effect on feelings of anger.
- Thinking like a computer means doing a lot of thinking, period. If you rely on thinking to make decisions, rather than what you emotionally WANT, etc. you have to go through the trouble of actually analyzing everything and deciding what's best.
But Amzi, you say, haven't I heard you on many occasions in This Very Blog announce that something has made you Happy???
Yes, you have. I find it extremely easy to be happy, or sad, or angry, or whatever, in myself. Kind of on a solitary basis. It's where relationships with other people come in that my hardware locks down and requires a password.
What's the solution? There is hope for people like me, I think. My impression is life will grow you up, will stretch out your kinks, until you're who you were called to be. I'm not half as reclusive or "weird" as I used to be, and being friends with more emotionally-oriented people has helped me to understand them better. Situations will be forced on you which require growth, stepping outside your comfort zone, finding ways to cope with the Big World you live in. And in my opinion, that whole process, the whole deal of being alive and being a person and being unique and called and purposed, is so exciting and beautiful! One thing I would like to make clear is that I would not trade my experiences in the past, or my state in the present, or my promises in the future for anything you could offer me.
AMZi x x x x x
(image (c) xkcd